Chris Pratt wants everyone to know that he’s very, very sorry. He just doesn’t know what for yet.
The Jurassic World star took to Facebook on Friday to post a hilarious preemptive apology for any and all offensive comments he feels he’s likely to make during his upcoming press junket for Jurassic World.
“I want to make a heartfelt apology for whatever it is I end up accidentally saying during the forthcoming #JurassicWorld press tour,” the 35-year-old actor begins. “I hope you understand it was never my intention to offend anyone and I am truly sorry.”
Pratt adds that he’s not “in the business of making excuses,” before launching into a laundry list of them – including his self-professed stupidity (“I am just dumb”), to probably being exhausted at the time of said offensive comments, to the infernal stuffiness of press rooms.
While he promises that any future gaffes will begin as an innocent joke, he says he is “fully aware that the subject matter of my imminent forthcoming mistake, a blunder (possibly to be) dubbed ‘JurassicGate’ is (most likely) in no way a laughing matter.”
“With social media the way it is and click bait marketing online you will have a front row seat to all of the promotional action if you so chose,” he writes, before warning, “There will be a lot. Dare I say too much if you actually take the time to watch it all!? I suggest you don’t. But that’s up to you.”
Fortunately, he already has a plan for those who might feel overwhelmed by the hoopla surrounding a blockbuster release: “If it gets old or you grow weary of my face just remember, you could always do what I did while waiting for the original Jurassic Park to open, go outside and play with imaginary dinosaurs! They are the best and they are free!!!”
And for anyone unfamiliar with his brand of humor, Pratt assures his fans, “PS. I write this crap. Not a publicist or the studio. Me. So it definitely has my seal of approval.”